First Visit Thoughts

I was feeling like an emotional mess today and found myself wondering why since I tend to be pretty level headed and low maintenance.  Honest!  Lol.  Really?  I actually had to think about why I was so emotional today?  Not for long.  Today was my first visit to a possible program for RJC.  Pretty sure this would be the reason for the edgy emotions.  Until today, though, I did not realize how my personal issues would be magnified through this process.

It is incredibly difficult for me to recognize RJC as an adult.  As strange as this sounds I see her as a perpetual child as there is just nothing "adult" about my girl.  She is all about Barney the dinosaur, teddy bears, and Disney World.  She is twenty years old and has no interest (or knowledge of) boys, driving, texting, Facebook, etc.  We are still paying for babysitters because she is not safe alone.  Checking out these adult programs is uncomfortable for me because I feel like I am thrusting a defenseless child into an environment that does not fit her, yet because of an arbitrary number (her age) I have no choice. 

The other issue is that I know what I want for her but it is not necessarily what she would choose for herself.  Yikes.  First and foremost, I want her to be safe.  I also want her to have peers, to be with people she likes, to be exposed to fun and different activities, and to have opportunities to use her brain and do some thinking.  Here's the rub.  She would be perfectly content in a workshop environment where she goes in, sits and does the same thing day after day, week after week, month after month (you get the point) and she does not need to necessarily engage in any social interaction.  Honestly!  She'd be perfectly content!  I just can't let that happen.  It is my personal and deep belief that she needs to be a social being...to some extent...whether or not it is her preference.  She often does like to be with people, even if she does not seek out company or initiate contact.  It's just not a strong perference or need.  I feel like we (the collective "we" in this case being our family members, her teachers, various professionals, and family friends) have worked so hard and for so many years to get her to understand how to function as part of a group and how to enjoy some social time that I'm not willing to throw it away.  So ideally, she will have a program that combines the two.  Maybe not in one day.  Maybe she'll need to have a workshop setting and a different, more social setting.  But I just can't let go of having her make human connections.  The struggle of course is...am I putting my values on her?  Sigh.  I just do not know.

On the positive side, when I went to visit this program today I observed clients getting along, focused on what they were doing, and seemingly happy.  They were talking to each other and nobody was sitting around doing nothing.  It so happened I also recognized two of the clients and they would be fine "peers" for RJC to be around.  The woman who was giving us (I went with school personnel) the tour and answering our questions was very forthcoming and direct.  Traits that I like.  She did not stumble around for conversation, she was calm and organized.  More traits that I like.

It probably got a bit awkward when I ventured into the sensitive area that concerns me.  That is, I have an adult daughter who has no interest in boys, no concept of "stranger danger", no recognition of safety issues.  How did the program handle these sort of things?  (Translate - please keep my child physically safe and do not allow anyone to molest or abuse her).  Her response was reassuring.  She talked about how the setting was seen as a professional environment and there are clear behavioral expectations.  She and the staff are very aware of these issues and are aware that there were clients who could be interested in "negotiating relationships" (and yes, I thought that was a funny term but at least now I know the buzz words to use when bringing up this rather sensitive topic) and basically said the adults were on top of it.  Ok.  I felt like it was not lip service.  She seemed sincere.  More importantly, I was looking for any sign of a problem in this area while I was there and I must say I thought all interactions were appropriate. When I return - did I mention that is no way one visit will do it for me?- I will be looking carefully for any signs of a potential issue in this area.  It is my nightmare area.

So it's only visit one and I feel like this program has a lot of what we are looking for in a program.  I am not sure it would fulfill all of my hopes and dreams for my girl and I'm thinking I need to look more and see if this can become a component of a program for her.  It is also not a workshop setting, which is still what I think RJC would like (ok, I know she would) and it would be unfair to choose a program based on what I WISH she would like.  Sigh.  It is very overwhelming.

Oh.  And there is that annoying issue of the times of the program.  Seriously...it's 5 1/2 hours per day.  9 am - 2:30 pm.  Does anybody in the state of CT honestly believe that our most vulnerable and needy population only needs to have services available for 5 1/2 hours per day?  Especially when they are adults.  Most adults work 8 or 8 1/2 hour days.  Why are our adults deprived of the opportunity to be busy for a full day?  There are of course, other issues, like transportation.  But I digress.

Today was an interesting day and a good first step.  What I learned is that I need to get past the emotion of all of this and be able to make some objective decisions.  "Objective" is probably not my best character trait when it comes to either of my children.  This will be a challenge.

First visit thoughts shared.  Feedback welcomed.