Months have gone by since I have posted. It seemed like there was lots going on with our gal for a while. She was not in her best place and it was exhausting. Most grating and frustrating and concerning was the constant yelling we seemed to be getting from her. She often appeared uptight. Like a guitar string about to break. The thought of sitting down to write about it after living it? Nope. Wasn't happening.
Lately, however, there have been some nice positives going on. This seems to happen. We get into cycles of negatives and suddenly it just turns around. We do not know why. You can bet that if we did know, we would be doing whatever needed to be done to get us here. Still, we can appreciate the now. She is more settled, less anxious, and the screaming has lessened considerably. There has also been a bit of a language breakthrough that we have been working on for...well...years. Literally. Years.
That very tricky "why/because" concept.
Here's what usually happens:
Me: Why are you yelling?
RJC: Because I'm angry.
Me: Why are you angry?
RJC: Because I'm mad.
Me: Why are you mad?
RJC: Because I'm angry.
Here's what happened the other day:
Me: Why are you yelling?
RJC: Because I'm angry.
Me: Why are you angry?
RJC: Because I'm mad.
Me: Why are you mad?
RJC: Because laundry.
My brain then went: Wait. What? So I zipped off an email to her Day Program and asked if it was possible that something happened having to do with laundry. Honestly...I know. Sometimes the things I say (or write) sound ridiculous, even to me. But I needed to try.
An email came back that yes, the previous morning they were working on teaching the task of doing laundry and she started to scream. It lasted a while and then all was well.
I was never so happy to know that my gal was screaming at her program. Over laundry.
Since then, I've been laser focused on finding different situations for us to work on the "why/because" skill. She has been more successful in avoiding the odd spiral she usually lands in and instead, has looked for ways to give us actual information. Nothing earth shatteringly important but enough for us to know that she is slowly grasping the concept.
For example, she had a bandaid on her arm.
Me: Why do you have a bandaid?
RJC: Because boo boo.
(YES)!
Me: Why are you yawning?
RJC: Because I'm tired. Not sleep yet.
(DOUBLE YES! TWO SENTENCES)!
Whoa. Usually she won't know what to answer so she will say "yes" as though she is agreeing with me. Yes, she has a bandaid or yes, she is tired. Or she will find a way to get into that cycle as described above.
These new responses were appropriate and gave me some information.
What does this mean you may ask? Why is this skill so important? In one word. Safety. It has always been my huge fear and major sadness that something may happen to our girl and she would not be able to communicate what happened. Every time she screams and we can't figure out the catalyst, it is a stab of fear in my heart. We are nowhere near her being able to tell us in clear words what the source of an issue may be. We are nowhere near to her being able to share anything abstract. We are nowhere near any type of consistency as she will still often reply "yes" to my "why" questions. Still, there is indication that she is starting to understand.
This is exciting. This will be slow. We will keep on keepin' on.
NOTE: A few thoughts:
The interesting thing about RJC and her autism is that her language continues to develop. I think back to the professionals who told us that she would stop developing language at age 5. They were wrong.
Also, language is also not something she simply learns from hearing other people. Language concepts need to be directly taught. Yet at age 21, she left school and pooof. No more Speech Therapy (or Occupational Therapy, or Physical Therapy for those who used to have them). Granted, this brings us to an entirely different topic on appropriate services for adults diagnosed with autism and how difficult they are to find, as well as expensive to obtain. Yet it needed to be mentioned.
