Tomorrow begins two weeks of overnight camp for Miss RJC. Every year I think it will be easier to send her off, yet every year that darn anxiety creeps in. On the positive side, she seems mighty relaxed about going. We did not "officially" tell her until today, but Hubby said he was totally sure she already knew. Granted, hard to miss the large suitcase I had started to pack and the piles of clothing in the (usually) empty room. She also did not have one single thing on her calendar in the month of July. As usual, she refused to even say the name of the month and when given any opportunity she tore out the month of July from calendars.
This year we decided to try something different while she is gone. Usually we drop her off and head out for a mini vacation. The problem has been that my anxiety is still sky high for a few days after we drop her off, so relaxing is difficult. I am generally distracted and will mention her and some oddball concern that I have. I admit, I am not the most fun person to be around for a day or two. What to do, what to do...
Our new plan is that we are both continuing to work this week but we each chose a day to plan a date night - something fun and local to do in the evening for both of us. My day is Monday - I made my plan, made the necessary reservations and I'm looking forward to it! Hubby's night is Thursday and he has told me he made the arrangements and we are good to go. I'm super excited to find out what he planned! We also have plans with friends for Tuesday, and Shabbos dinner with my inlaws Friday night. Over the weekend we will be spending an entire day with our NMC. The following week we both took off from work and hope to truly be relaxed by then.
What can I say? Sometimes we just need to understand ourselves and our limitations and go with them. RJC is honestly never off of my mind, even when it's just a "normal" day. I drop her off at her Day Program and I have a checklist in my mind that I go over while I drive to work. Did she have her lunch, did she remember her backpack, did I need to sign any paperwork or make sure I let the staff know anything important, what are our plans for that evening and did I plan for coverage for RJC if necessary etc. During the day I tend to stop and consider these questions again - just to be sure I've covered my bases. I may check in with the Hubby to be sure everything is smooth going. The two weeks that she is not here is simply odd. It feels strange to not know everything she is doing, or what her mood was that morning, or if she had some new bump or bruise that needs attention.
To be completely honest - I love these two weeks. I love that she is with people who care about her and I love that she is having fun with new people in her life. They are very good about creating a program that is unique for her. They make adjustments as necessary. Last year a big sleeping issue came up and they handled it beautifully. In fact, it worked so well that I modified my "Getting to Know RJC" document this year to include that procedure (c'mon, it cannot surprise you that I write up a document every summer)! She always comes home with some new skill. Last summer her expressive language improved tremendously! For my part, I enjoy sleeping in the dark, sleeping until 630 AM (instead of 5 AM), watching tv without needing the subtitles (RJC breaks headphones at an amazing rate, thus we are often listening to Barney while watching our own shows), being able to leave the house whenever we choose and without an actual plan, and simply enjoying our privacy as an old married couple.
It's getting late and since sitting down to write this, I have found myself feeling less anxious. It certainly helps that she is happily on her iPad and there is no self talk going on about when she is coming home or when she will see mommy and daddy or when it's time to go to back to the farm. This tells me that she is comfortable and relaxed about the idea of camp which in turn, helps me to remind myself that these two weeks are for her and about her. Our gal is truly becoming more independent and though she may be 27 years old, she has plenty of room for growth developmentally. As her parents, that is our main job. To give her skills and to love her enough to help her be as independent as she can, even if it's a bit painful and scary for us.
While she grows...so do we.
