A bit of background:
RJC loves coins. She does not care about their value as she does not understand that concept, but she does like to collect them and put them in plastic bags to use when we go someplace where she can put them in a tip jar. She does not understand the concept of a tip either, but she does know it makes people happy when she puts the money in the jar. So everywhere we go, she is always looking to find coins on the floor: supermarkets, outdoors, restaurants - you'd be surprised at how many coins she can find.
This morning we were out getting bagels and I found a dime when I went to throw something in the garbage, so I handed it to her in the back seat. She got all settled in with her seatbelt on and then I hear, "Uh oh. Where's the dime?"
And so it begins.
First, we hunt through the car. And we hunt and we hunt and we hunt some more. No dime. She starts to try to literally pull the back seat out of the car. It is a relatively new car so I would prefer that damage is none to minimal but the gal is on a mission. She is sticking her fingers in every small crevice she can find. I am looking as well but there is simply no dime to be found. She figures out how to pull the back seat down (I had no idea), but we still did not find it. She insists we look in the trunk.
As we continue to look, her anxiety is increasing so she is getting loud. "Dime, oh dime, where are you?" ""Oh no, oh no. I can't find my dime." Etc.
While this is going on, I am looking at my watch because we have things to get done this morning. I tell her that we need to go home and we will look again later. Her response is, "Let's call Daddy now." I have to agree, dad is a good coin hunter, but he is at work and calling is not an option. I tell her we will see him later and that he can help us look then. We arrive home and she grudgingly comes into the house with me. While I am getting some things done, she is still talking about the dime. "Can we try again for the dime?" "What happened to the dime, mommy?" and occasionally singing "Where oh where has my little dime gone?" My patience is holding up though admittedly wearing thin as I continue to reassure her that we will look for the dime later. I tell her to take a breath and we do so together. It seems to help a bit.
I finished a few things I needed to get done and she sits and pets the cat. Now I hunt through our house looking for a replacement dime. I look everyplace I can think of, but there's just no spare dime to be found. Ug.
Our next planned activity is to take a walk and go to CVS to pick up a few prescriptions. Of course, as soon as we get in the car, she is asking about the dime, talking about the dime, and singing about the dime. We get to the parking lot and when we get out of the car to take our walk she is once again hunting through the car, pulling at the seats, looking under the seats, checking the floor and still - no dime.
As we walk, she is getting loudly verbal about the dime once again. "Mommy made a mistake with the dime," "I just can't find my dime," etc. At the same time, I am attempting to figure out how to solve this problem because it has been hours now and I am getting exhausted and more importantly I do not want this to escalate. She yells at intervals as we walk on the trail but so far it is manageable.
Then it comes to me.
Our next stop is a very short ride to CVS to pick up some prescriptions. We get back to the car and as she starts in once again about the dime, I tell her we will go to CVS and once we get home we will look again. We arrive at CVS and while she is still mumbling to herself "Ay yi yi" etc. I grab a bottle of sparkling water. I have her sit in a chair at the pharmacy where I can easily see her, but she cannot hear me if I whisper to the pharmacy clerk. I tell the clerk I am going to pay for the prescriptions on my credit card and I will pay for the drink separately with cash - and I need dimes with my change. She gives me three (precious) dimes and I put two in my wallet and hide one in my hand as we head back to the car.
"Let's take another look" I say. She starts hunting again and I use my best actress voice and say, "Oh! Hey look!" and open my hand to show her the dime.
She is beyond thrilled. "Here you are little dime, I found you!" She is all smiles. We get back in the car and on the drive home she is literally singing to her dime that she has clutched in her hand. I am beyond relieved.
It amazes me how difficult these sorts of issues still can become huge problems in our household. Who would ever imagine that a lost dime would create hours of angst! Reasoning with her is not a possibility. She does not want a different dime; she absolutely wants her lost dime back. She has no concept that the dime is worth so little in value that all this time and energy being spent is way out of proportion to the issue. In her literal way of thinking, the dime is lost, it is obviously in the car, so it needs to be found in the car.
There are some positives here and while they may seem small, they are actually quite big.
1. She did not hit herself or me at any time during this ordeal. Everything was kept verbal - yes, she was loud, she was repetitive, and she modified scripts to fit the situation. All of those things are a better choice than physical harm.
2. She continued listening to me. She was not thrilled about having to go in the house when she wanted to stay and hunt for the dime, but she followed my instructions.
3. She took a breath. Whoo hoo! We have been working on breathing and while she's always been willing to practice, when it came to practical use it was only used after a problem was solved. In this case, she took a breath with me in the middle of an angsty moment. This is exactly the skill we are working on. At some point the ultimate goal is that nobody would need to prompt her to do so, and she will self-regulate. It is a long-term goal and process.
4. She apologized in her own sweet way. "Mommy, sorry I was loud today in the mommy's car and dime lost." I reassured her that she did a good job.
It is just lunchtime, and I am emotionally tired but generally pleased with my gal for all of the above reasons, and generally pleased with myself for finding our way through this.
Phew.
