A Weekend Away

RJC was away once before this - for a week - and it did not go well.  It was about two and a half years ago and the camp we sent her to did not take good enough care of her.  Nothing horrible happened but it was a negative enough experience that she did not want to go again.  I also had a difficult time getting comfortable with trying again so we didn't.

The camp RJC went to this weekend was one with which we were familiar.  Her younger sister and one of our very trusted babysitters had worked there previously during the summer.  We got to know quite a few of the staff and we knew other families whose children had very positive experiences.  We would play around with the idea of sending her, then I'd back off.  Last summer I actually tried to sign her up for a two week session, but the camp had some concerns and preferred we start with a weekend.  Not to mention I was really late in sending in paperwork so there was no room anyway.  A few months ago I told our most wonderful case worker that we were considering a weekend and the next thing I knew he had signed her up.  Thus, a weekend away.

First and foremost, RJC had a very good weekend at camp.  Maybe a blip or two along the way but nothing horrible.  The staff had all positive things to say and they would welcome her back.  RJC seems to have mixed feelings about it.  Since she's been home she has said multiple times, "All done camp."  She has also said, "It was so much fun at camp."  My guess would be that while she was ok with being there she'd prefer the comfort and familiarity of home.  Well, I feel like that after four days of vacation as well, so I get it.  It doesn't worry me and we are planning to send her for another weekend in the spring.

The most amazing thing to me is what the weekend did for me and my hubby.  The first night she was away I was not at my best.  I was worried and didn't sleep well.  I called the camp early in the morning and they called back about an hour later.  Once I had heard she did ok (well, she was up "very early" and had packed but that doesn't sound terribly horrible) I was able to relax. 

Hubby and I went to synagogue.  Though I will sometimes meet him there with RJC for the last half an hour or so, it had been a long time since I went to services without having her with me.  It was actually so intense for me to be there with no worries about RJC that I found myself teary at times.  Really weird. 

We decided to go to an afternoon movie then out for dinner.  The movie we wanted to see was not around here so we ventured off to the area where we used to date.  It was pretty cool.  It was like we were dating again.  We didn't have to find a movie with lots of physical comedy or one that was rated G or PG.  We were free to make a choice based on our own preferences.  What a concept!  We sat in the middle of the theater with no worries about finding a seat up front so if RJC was self-talking nobody would be bothered, and we didn't need to worry about kicking the person in front of us.  It was a great movie that we watched in comfort.  And it felt like a date.

We went to dinner at a crowded restaurant.  We did not feel antsy and nervous while waiting.  Instead, we chatted with a very nice couple while waiting about half an hour to get our table.  We did not check the menu for chicken fingers.  We did not feel a need to rush through our meal.  We took our time, we ordered some wine.  And it felt like a date.

Though we sent RJC in the hopes she'd have a great experience and would gain a taste of independence, it turned out to be a great weekend for us.  It took some time to settle in to the idea that we were at home with no children.  The knowledge that we were on our own time schedule and that we could make our own choices for two days also took some time to settle in.  Yet once we got used to being on our own it was actually relaxing.  It was a time to reconnect.  To have conversations that were uninterrupted.  To laugh about stupid things.  To stop and pay attention to the quiet.  We really, really appreciated the quiet.

We picked up RJC today and things are back to normal.  Our normal anyway.  RJC is obsessing over the calendar for the week.  Endlessly it seems.  As I type I can hear Barney in the background.  We took her to one of her favorite pizza places tonight.  And it no longer feels like a date.  But it does feel like our life.  And so.  It's all good.

Still Looking.

Still looking for that right program.  Thought I should post an update since it's been a bit of time since I've updated.

I've seen quite a few adult programs over the past two months.  I have found that this experience is very difficult to blog about.  First, I would never want to say anything negative about a program since things I may find negative for my child, another parent will not. I would never want to be responsible for a parent not viewing a program due to my comments.  Our children are all different and have different needs.  Second, it's beyond emotional.  I cannot even begin to explain the stress and responsibility I feel about making this decision for my girl.  It equals many sleepless nights and many crazy days trying to juggle work and this hunt which has become like a full-time job.  It is not fun.  Just sayin'.

There are two programs that I would consider at this point.  Neither is making me jump up and down and that worries me.  I worry that I'm considering programs that have the "absence of bad" rather than looking for a great program.  That doesn't seem like the best method when going about this. It's not fair to RJC in the end.    

The big question...what to do, what to do?  The good thing is that I am not in this alone.  My husband is very involved and he wisely said something to the effect of  "No decision is final.  If something isn't good we can change it."  Well, yeah.  I just want to avoid the "if something isn't good" part from the start. 

Part of the problem is that all of these programs look great in writing and even sound good philosophically.  We have met many incredibly dedicated professionals for which I am grateful.  The day-to-day reality of the programs we are seeing is what makes me question things.  Down time, crowded space, clients that I cannot be able to envision RJC spending her day with, due to differences in age, time spent on being busy with activities that fill up time but do not seem to have a goal of developing a lifeskill.  Did I mention down time?  Ug. 

I honestly don't know how to make this decision.  I'm very glad we started this process early in the year.  Still gives us time.  What I REALLY wish was that there were tons of great programs out there and our decision would be difficult because there were so many great programs we didn't know which to choose.  Sigh.  In truth, this is not the problem.  That is a societal issue but apparently not one that will be solved any time shortly.  With all of the younger ones who will be in the adult system in the next five to ten years I sure hope it becomes a societal issue that people care about.  For now, it's just my personal problem.

So...still looking.