It's the evening before RJC's 23rd birthday. Every year in the week leading up to her birthday, I tend to think about all the things she would do if she did not have an autism diagnosis. She would be driving a car, going to college, holding a job, dating a wonderful boy, applying to medical school. Yep. I go there. Every. Year.
This year I really did not give her birthday much thought until today. And even today it was more like, "Oh. She'll be 23 tomorrow." Then I'd be back to paying attention to whatever I was doing. No harping. No feeling sad. No wishing we could avoid a celebration. No driving my husband crazy (well, about her birthday, anyway). It was just a regular kind of day.
Why? I thought I had a few theories but none of them were sitting right with me. Then I realized it just doesn't matter. The key is, this year I'm ok with her birthday. So this is what we will do for her 23rd birthday. We always celebrate birthdays with another family and we'll be doing that tomorrow, just as she expects. We will be at a fun pizza spot. She wants a cake so we will do that too. She doesn't particularly care about presents so that's never a big part of her day though Grandma and Grandpa send some cash which she always thinks is very cool. Not sure why she likes the cash, but she does, so they lovingly send it. This year I set up a little party for her with her peers at her Day Program. The staff is willing and pleased to carry out some little celebration for her and as she spends six hours per day there it seemed like it'd be fun. At some point we will probably practice having her answer the question "How old are you?" She has no understanding of the significance of a birthday so we'll teach her a rote answer. That's the birthday girl's way of spending her 23rd birthday.
I hope that tomorrow I am still able to keep perspective and enjoy her day on her level. I'm going to do everything I can to remember that her birthday is the day that I gave birth to an incredible, amusing, smart, and unique gal. My life would not be the same without her and I wouldn't want my RJC to be anybody but who she is. Which is what I want for my 20 year old child as well. Isn't that what we all want for our children? To be true to who they are? I don't know what the future hold but tomorrow I'm just going to try so hard not to worry about it.
Happy 23rd love bug!
