The Future Is Now (?)

Before I write anything else, I need to state that the health issue in this post ended well. That being said...


I had to have a procedure that was going to require anesthesia. My concern was that I would be unavailable to RJC if there was an issue of some sort. We are used to having a Plan A and a Plan B, but in this case I could not get a comfort level with being so completely out of touch. We needed more plans.


Luckily, we have amazing friends. So here's what we had:




Plan A: Hubby is with me in the hospital and Naomi brings RJC to her program and picks her up at the end of the day.


Plan B: If there is a problem with RJC, Naomi comes to stay with me at the hospital and Hubby leaves to take care of the issue.




Plan C:  Hubby leaves and friend A comes to the hospital.


Plan D:  Hubby leaves and friend B comes to the hospital.


While this may seem like overkill, I could not manage to relax (well, become less crazed) until we had a few plans that were workable.


Once this issue was worked out I had to give thought to the bigger issue. What if I had cancer? How would I be able to handle RJC issues with a huge health issue? Then the really big issue. You know. The one where you have to give some thought to your family member's futures without you. That really big one.


It's very strange when the big fear you think about so often, and talk about with your husband, manages to become just a little more real. On the one hand, I spent a great deal of time self talking myself into the idea that nothing would happen, and all would be well. That really was my focus. However, night would fall and so would any bit of positive thought. I had myself killed off and tried to imagine how my family would deal. Sometimes in my mind it worked out fine. Most of the time I pictured this big empty picture frame. I could not even imagine what would fill in that frame. I simply could not figure out what would be best for RJC, what would happen to her with me not there. I guess I had thought that when the time really came, we'd work it out. What if this WAS the time and it was really coming? Oh my gosh, I literally had no clue.


By the time the procedure came, I still had no plan for my girl. Talk about failure. But there was nothing at all I could do except hope and pray. So that's what I did.


As I write this, I am beyond relieved that the procedure is over and I had a good outcome. But really - hope and pray? Is that all I've got? Even when the issue may be coming to a head, that's the best I can do? 


There's really no ending to this. While I hate to leave this sort of dangling, it's where we literally are in the reality of the issue - dangling. My last thought on this issue right now?


We need to figure this out.