My Comfortable Spot

This blog has become my Comfortable Spot. I love it here. I talk about some difficult stuff with complete honesty and it is a relief to get things off my chest. Writing also helps me to organize my thoughts while then leads to problem solving. Everyone should have a Comfortable Spot and this is mine.


In the past few months I have come to a somewhat uncomfortable realization about myself. I am no longer a good conversationalist. I used to be decent at the social thing. I could chat about various subjects - world issues, books, movies, sports, work, and various odds and ends that one would label "small talk." When meeting somebody for the first time, I was always interested in hearing about their lives. I loved learning about them and where they live, their families, their work, etc.


Today we went to meet somebody new. Somebody associated with a potential, very far-in-the-future program for RJC. It was an interesting, easy, flowing conversation with a tad bit of humor mixed in. When we left, I not only realized how relaxing it was to have an open, honest conversation but I also realized how often I feel incredibly awkward in a "normal" conversation. These types of conversations (that I used to easily slip into) have become much harder work. 


I can easily slip into talking about my daughter and our family and all the craziness that surrounds us. It is literally on my mind all the time AND when I do talk about our family I speak with passion. I can get worked up, I can giggle at some things, and I can become emotional in all sorts of ways. We spend so much time in our household talking about how to do the everyday things that other people just go and do. Need to do the grocery shopping? First we need to talk about which one of us will stay with RJC in the store and which one will do our family shopping. Then we need to strategize - should we feed her first so we have a chance that she will be in a better mood or wait so that we can offer dinner and then a treat as reinforcement for good behavior? We need to remember the new program for safety in the parking lot - let's talk it over so we are on the same page. This is "normal" to me.


So now, when I am hanging out with people who do not work in some related field of special needs or live the life of special needs, I find that I sometimes feel uncomfortable. Instead of the easy banter I used to be able to enjoy, I talk about what is on my mind and about my family - and end up giving out much too much information and spending too much time talking about the day-to-day stuff that probably isn't all that interesting. I mean really. Nobody wants to talk about going to the grocery store.


The thing is, that for me, the grocery store trip was a major hurdle in my day and when we get through it I want to tell somebody!


Luckily, I have this blog. It's My Comfortable Spot. It's where I can say how things really are and not feel bad about doing so because that's the entire purpose for writing. I can write all sorts of things and people can choose to avoid reading all together or stop reading when they are tired of the topic. It won't hurt my feelings because I will never know. It's also a great place to play the honesty card. Again, it's the purpose for writing. I don't sugar coat anything and I'm not particularly careful with my words. It's easy to be here.


Still, I'm thinking that this is an area where I need to improve so here's my strategy: to remember to talk about whatever it is people talk about (you lead, I'll follow), and to remember that everyone has struggles...and we don't need to air them in every conversation.


That being said, I will also cut myself a break and know that My Comfortable Spot is here when needed...and so are my friends.