Saturday, January 23, 2016

Independence for All

I will be the first to admit that RJC and I are generally attached at the hip.  It's always been difficult for me to "let go" and as she is getting older, I still struggle to find opportunities that are comfortable for me to give her some independence.  I'm certainly better at it than I used to be.  I was that parent who, when their child was going on a field trip, would scope out the venue ahead of time and give the teacher a map of where potential spots of issues could take place.  True story.


She now has been at overnight summer camp for two weeks. Three times! Each year I feel a bit better about it. The first two years, her sister was a counselor at the camp, but last year RJC went by herself. We all did fine. When the opportunity came up for me to go to Canada for four days, it was something I desperately wanted to do.  As the time came closer to leave, I was getting pretty nervous. In truth, if it was not a trip that I was incredibly excited about, I probably would have cancelled it.  Happy to say, it was incredibly successful.  Here's a few reasons why.


1. Preparation:  She was staying home so that did make things easier. I wanted her schedule to be as uninterrupted as possible.  I wrote out a two page schedule of where she needs to be and when. I went over it with my husband and with RJC (though she promptly threw hers in the garbage). Still, she completely understood when I was leaving and when she could expect me back (with a cushion - just in case).  Though I don't think I needed to, I organized her clothing for each day and gave it to my husband so it was one less thing to think about.


2. Schedule: My husband and I scheduled things to keep her busy so she wouldn't have time to worry and she just might be tired at the end of the day.  I dropped her off at her program on Thursday and left for the airport, so my husband took over from that point.  Thursday, he picked her up from her program and that night they went out to eat.  Friday she went to her program, then they went to a friend's house for Shabbat dinner.  She had been there many times previously and loves going there. Saturday, she went to the farm where she spends many weekend days, so it was familiar and loved activity. She was there from 9-3. Hubby took her out for dinner.  Sunday morning she went to the farm for 3 hours, then they went to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Monday she was back at the program and when she came home I was here already.  Keeping her busy was incredibly helpful. She only called one time and even then it was just to go over her schedule and hear me agree that what she was expecting is what she was doing.


3. Trust:  I completely trusted that between my husband and my younger daughter, they would be fine. Over the past years especially, they have created their own bond with RJC and she is happy and safe when she is with them. Any time I had a thought that my leaving was not a good idea, I remembered that we are a family of four. Everyone has their own way of doing things with her, but she understands and accepts that. 


I am already planning my next trip. Not that there will be one. But if the right one comes along, I am totally there.  Without regrets.

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