Communication - A Basic Human Need

I was venting to a friend today about the lack of understanding I sometimes see people have toward my gal.  My friend has two children with special needs, one of whom is sort of like my RJC in terms of communication struggles.  She completely understood where I was coming from and shared the following:


Her guy, who struggles with language, was trying to communicate that he wanted to go home on a specific day.  That was not going to be possible, but instead of letting him know this, the person who he was communicating with simply repeated what he was saying.  This gave him the impression that he was indeed getting confirmation that he was going home on that specific day.  When that day came and he didn't go home it is no surprise that he had a tantrum - and nobody could understand what triggered such behavior.  This ended in a physical restraint which did not need to happen if only the person he was communicating with took some time to figure out what he was saying instead of taking the easier way out by just repeating his words and assuming he was not trying to communicate an actual thought.


My gal, my friend's children, the others in the world who may not be able to communicate in the traditional way, are NOT empty vessels.  Somehow this message needs to get out there to those who work with our kids, those who are in contact with our kids, those who are anywhere near our kids.


Communication is a basic human need.


I know that when RJC is going through the trouble to attempt communication, then she has something to get across.  It is neither fair, nor kind, to assume that because her language skills are lacking, she is not intelligent enough to have something to communicate.  She is.  In fact, I think RJC is incredibly smart and my heart breaks that she is stuck with a brain that does not allow her to show us her intelligence in the traditional way.  But that's another issue.  Sigh.


Though RJC does not use sign language or a communication device of any sort, her language can be funky.  She doesn't always use full sentences, she uses a ton of scripts from various children's shows, her grammar and syntax is usually not correct, and some words she uses are not pronounced correctly.  She also has little understanding of anything that is abstract, so I will readily admit that she can be tricky to communicate with - both talking to her and understanding her. 


With RJC, listening is not always about listening to words.  It's listening to tone, listening to volume, looking at facial expression and body language, considering the context if it's possible.  If she says something that is not understood then ASK!  Simple questions such as, "Can you show me?" or "Can you point?" may shed light on the issue and immediately any tension can be de-escalated.  It's also like putting money in a bank - the more somebody understands her and shows a willingness to work to communicate, the more likely she is to communicate in a calm manner and seek out the person she knows is willing to try to understand her. 

With RJC communication is not only about using words.  It's about using gestures (often over exaggerated), pictures, comfortable and non-threatening body language (give the gal space, for example), written words, "first-then" statements (because she understands them).  Do not assume that because she isn't getting the message the first time that if just needs to be stated louder or repeated in the same way.  Use different words or a different mode of communication.  This may be a surprise, but often if one sings the words to her (pick a tune, any tune) she can better understand what is being said.  In fact, she may often sing her words when she is trying to communicate.  Over the years she has come up with her own little tune to use when she does this.


Somehow the message needs to be clear to the world that people who do not communicate in the "regular" way STILL communicate!  They are not empty heads walking around aimlessly with no desires, no opinions, no specific likes or dislikes.  They are people.  They have needs.  They have wants.  They have hearts that can be broken and feelings that can be hurt.   We may not actually ever know what they hear, what they understand, or what they feel on a deep level.  But that does not mean we are not obligated to try.  And if we do try, maybe we will know. 


Actually this seems like a basic human right. 


Certainly a basic human need.