Even two years ago, I would never have considered taking RJC to the mall less than two weeks before Christmas. It is one of her favorite ways to spend time, but the crowd, the noise, the lines...no way would I chance it. This year I decided to give it a whirl so we went to her favorite mall. She had the names of the places she wanted to go in proper order, and she knew exactly what she wanted at each place.
First stop - department store. We walked around forever and a day looking for the section that had pajamas. Finally I said, "Let's ask that lady." RJC walked right over to her and said, "Pajamas for winter with sleeves please." The lady hesitated, glanced at me, but I decided to give her a second before intervening. The light bulb went off and the lady smiled and said, "OH! Winter pajamas are over there" and pointed. "Thank you!" my gal replied, and off we went. Not only did we find the winter pajamas, but we found ones that she wanted and that fit. Store 1 - success!
Second stop - Disney Store. This store used to have the visitor's guides that come out of every year but they no longer sell them in the stores. Nevertheless, RJC insists on stopping there and looking for it. Sometimes it works out ok when it's not there. Other times...well...she gets a little loud. The store was packed but she negotiated her way around nicely. No book. She stopped, sighed, and said, "Time for nails." And off we went. No screaming. Store 2 - success!
Third stop - Nail salon. The ladies at this salon know our family well and are always accommodating. We have gotten past the language barrier on both sides and they all truly enjoy RJC who always has very clear instructions on how she wants her nails. I sat next to her and watched as she and the woman negotiated. "Red, green, red, green, red. And white snowflake." The woman wasn't sure which to start with - red or green - so she takes the two colors and holds them up. "Red first? Green first?" RJC chooses the red and they are off and running without any intervention from me. She finishes the nails and RJC reminds her about the snowflake. "Which finger?" RJC is a little perplexed and says, "Snowflake on red." She has six red nails so I intervene. "Snowflake on thumb? Big finger? Pinky?" "Snowflake on thumbs!" she says with relish. They both smile and once again, they are off and running. RJC is thrilled with the result but the woman is not yet through. She holds up some silver glittery polish and says, "Yes? On the snowflake?" RJC nods and the woman puts the finishing touch on. They are both smiling and before we leave the woman tells me "She cute." I must agree. Store 3 - success!
Fourth stop - Mrs. Fields Cookies. There is a young guy behind the counter who has helped RJC in the past. My girl is very picky about her cookies and though there is a full tray of chocolate chip cookie cups with M&Ms, they are not all equal in her eyes. She knows exactly which one she wants. It is difficult to point to a specific one in the case so the guy begins pointing to each one. He points and she replies, "no". so he points again. Again, "no." This goes on until he finally gets to just the right cookie cup and he is met with a resounding "YES!" He smiles and as he rings us up he tells me, "It's so great that she totally knows her mind." I think to myself that it's so great that he thinks this is a great trait because she just held up his line and he didn't care a bit. Store 4 - success!
Last stop - Au Bon Pain for lunch. Now this is going to be tricky because this place is packed and she orders unusual combinations of foods. There is a long line but I notice people who have helped us on past visits so I'm hoping for one of them. We do get a young woman who has helped her before and completely understands what it means when she says, "Chicken Caesar salad with nooo lettuce." She doesn't even blink. Now I also need to bring home a cup of soup but they are refilling the soup that we need. Leaving RJC at the table to come back for the soup isn't an option, but the thought of negotiating the crowd with her once again isn't on my fun list. I ask the cashier if I can pay ahead and then if she would let me know when the soup is refilled. I figured we'd head there on our way out. About ten minutes later, the cashier catches my eye, tells me the soup is ready then offers to get it for me. She gets the soup, a roll, puts a cover on it and puts in a bag. She is my angel. I ask her name. "Christian." "Oh my gosh, quite the perfect name for this time of year" I say. She tells me she was born on Christmas. Too perfect. And at our final stop - success!
As I am driving home, I think of how years of practice and exposure has allowed us to navigate this potentially difficult situation. She has come amazingly far in her ability and willingness to communicate. By interacting with many of the same people over the years, there is a comfort level on the other side of the conversation that is most often not there the first time somebody meets RJC. That comfort level allows her a modicum of independence. I also think about how I am not a fan of autism, per se, but how lucky I am that because of autism I often see the best of people. My child allows people to show the best side of themselves with their patience, their understanding, their compassion...and never their condescension. While it is true, we have also seen the very worst side of people, today it was all positive. Today at the mall, every interaction was a positive one.
In the battle of Mall vs. Autism during this holiday season, neither one of them won. They played on the same team so we all won. Wishing you all smooth sailing at your next trip to the mall - holiday season or not :) !
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