The Zoo Trip - Part 2 (Part 1 will be posted in a few days)

I am posting Part 2 before Part 1. I know this is odd, but so was this day!


A brief explanation - my friend Susan and I have been taking our children to this zoo, two hours away, since they were toddlers. When we started going, almost 20 years ago or so, we had four children between us. Two diagnosed with autism, the other two are the siblings. At this point, the siblings have moved on from zoo visits, but RJC and David enjoy these outings. They look forward to it, have their "system", enjoy each other's company in their own way, and will start to ask to go if we haven't made plans. So today, we made the two hour trip to the zoo, spent three and a half hours there, and were about to head back for the two hour return trip.


I'll be blogging about our actual zoo trip shortly, but here's part 2 of our day.  I'll title it "We Do Quirky."


We are on the way home and the car starts acting up - shaking and making helicopter noises - and it becomes obvious that we are not going to make the next hour and a half home. We decide to pull of the highway and hope to find a safe place to stop. Susan spies a restaurant and lucky us, we pull in to an area where there are a few restaurants, a hotel, a Walmart.


This is not part of our regular routine and RJC starts to yell. She's not a fan of out of the ordinary happenings. We talk about our options with the screaming gal in the back. David, thank goodness, is a mellow sort.  We decide to call AAA and our husbands, just to give them the general news and see if one of them is able to come get us.  Meanwhile, RJC is screaming for Appleby's which she spied when we turned in the street. We are trying to have a conversation with the lady from AAA while the gal is screeching for Appleby's. Challenging - but we manage to tell her where we are, have a pleasant conversation about the area and what to eat where, and get all set for the tow truck to come.


Next we call the husbands and tell them what's going on. My husband is just about to sit down in the dentist's chair when he explains that he needs to rescue us, an hour and a half away. Side note - this is the same dentist that he showed up to last week - a week early for his appointment (I can only imagine what they are thinking about this crazy man).  At one point we considered getting a hotel room, buying bathing suits, and perhaps staying the night but we decide that since my husband is ok with picking us up then waiting at Appleby's is best.  On top of that it appears to be the only way to keep RJC quiet.  We navigate the car over to the parking lot and head in.


The electronics that David has with him to keep him amused have now died and the crayons are only going so far to placate him but his mom to the rescue and she manages to distract him with a book bought at the zoo (of which he has many copies of at home) and gets him back to drawing. Eventually, everyone calms down and we are eating and waiting for the tow truck and the husband.


We eat. Tow truck shows up, husband shows up, we head back home.  It's a bit noisy in the car, mostly due to RJC wanting David's electronics since she won't watch her own DVDs because Susan is now sitting where she likes to put her own DVD recorder. Susan is sitting between the two and she is amazingly calm, switching electronics from one to the other, getting David to play a song that RJC wants to hear. Honestly, had I thought of it, I would have recorded it to use as an example of how to keep the peace without losing one's mind.


Happy to say, we make it all the way home and everyone is safe.  We managed the quirkiness and it was all good.


Here's the best part. We laughed through it all. Susan and I have been on many adventures together since soon after our children's diagnosis and this was one for the books. In a conversation we were having at the zoo today Susan summed up what we were talking about with the most perfect sentence:  "We do quirky."


Why yes we do.  And while we are doing quirky we have good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments. This had been a good day and it was not about to be ruined by a bad moment so we decided to "do quirky" and plow on through.


I really think we should have tshirts made. Anyone else want one?

Not a Politically Correct Post (but an Honest One)

My gal has been away at camp for close to two weeks and we will be picking her up on Saturday to bring her home. Now, if I were to be politically correct I would tell you all how much we missed her and how I could barely stand it as the days were passing so slowly.


Here's the truth. This is her fourth year of camp and this is the first year that I have enjoyed every minute...and I haven't felt terribly guilty about it.
 
When we dropped her off at camp, she ran off quite happily. We've spoken on the phone to both her and her counselors (she asks one question, I answer, and then she is finished) and we receive email updates. All of this had lead me to be content in knowing that she is happy and healthy.


The first weekday that she was gone, I had a routine physical procedure that would have been beyond complicated to do if she were home. After the procedure I felt sick, but was able to sleep in the peace of our home. Hubby was the best caretaker ever. The next day we took a mini vacation to Boston and Cape Cod and we stayed for 5 days. I cannot begin to describe the fun and relaxing time we had, but suffice to know that it was awesome and included a Red Sox game, many hours at an art museum, and grown up restaurants! We were supposed to leave on Friday but changed plans and stayed through Saturday.


This second week has been different. We've both gone to work but after work the time is all ours. We can do whatever we want. We can change our minds and it's fine. We can eat late or early. We can go out with friends at a moment's notice. We can do errands that require concentration and time. We can exercise together, talk to each other, watch our own shows with no interruptions or distractions, sleep in the dark AND wake up in the same bed (without our gal pulling my hubby out so she can get in).


Now this may not all seem like a big deal, but trust me, it is.


Here is how our exercise at the gym usually works with our gal home:
I leave from work and go to the gym. He picks up RJC from her program, brings her home for a snack, then they meet me at the gym. Depending on how cooperative she is, I may wait 5 minutes or 30 minutes for them. They get to the gym and hubby goes off to exercise while I have RJC so we walk a mile around the track - no more, no less. She then likes to ride the bicycle so we go down to that area of the gym where she rides and I stand behind her to prompt her if she gets too loud. Hubby comes to find us when he is finished or when my exercise class is about to start (which can frustrate him because he isn't finished with his own exercise routine) - whichever happens first. They head home and I head to my exercise class before going home. Personally, I find this anxiety producing.


Here's what happened when hubby and I went this week alone:
We met home and went to the gym together. We worked out. We went home.


Now I feel the need to say none of this means that I don't love and adore my child or that I wish I had a different child or any of the other crazy things I've heard people say when somebody states the facts of their life with a child with autism. I am simply saying that a two week respite has been needed, appreciated, and taken advantage of to the max.


For parents of children with any special needs, or for those who are caretakers for their parents or partners or anyone else - it's ok to enjoy time alone. It's important to enjoy time alone. It's imperative to enjoy time alone. It does not make you a bad parent, partner, or person. Do I still struggle with this in my heart, even if I know it in my head? I do. But as time goes on the struggle is less and I am able to relax and enjoy without feeling horrible that I am doing so.


It should be perfectly fine to say "I need a break. I want a break. I have a break and am enjoying this break immensely" without fearing that we will be labeled as uncaring or selfish. I have loved my gal from the day she entered this world and I will always love her. Just the way she is.


But politically correct or not, I have come to terms with the idea that I need my two weeks.