Today we had two vastly different experiences when we were with RJC. The first was very negative. The second, quite positive. What made the difference? Tolerance level, understanding, kindness, compassion, and common sense. All the characteristics we hope we teach our children. Apparently some people did not learn those lessons well.
Experience 1:
Went to the bagel store. It's a store we've been to before. RJC likes to get a small bottle of lemonade, then pours it into a cup with ice, puts a lid on it and drinks it with a straw. The entire bottle fits in the cup. All good. So today we expected the same thing but the guy won't give me a large cup. He said I had to pay for it. I assume he misunderstands - I just want a cup with some ice so she can pour in her lemonade. He does not misunderstand, he simply refuses. In truth, I was so shocked I didn't ask how much he wanted for a cup of ice. So I try explaining. He holds his ground. This is one heck of an expensive plastic cup I guess, and he feels a need to protect it. Or maybe he was protecing the ice. No matter what, this man is not giving up his plastic cup with ice to my obviously challenged daughter. I honestly have no idea what I said to the man. I'm sure I was polite. I'm sure I was trying to reason with him. I asked for the Manager and...sigh...he was the Manager. That plastic cup was like gold to him and he was not allowing my daughter to have it. No ice for her in a big plastic cup. True story.
Experience 2:
I am still seething from experience 1 and used some "not nice" language when explaining it to my husband. Off we go to a store where we are going to buy some riding boots and a helmet for horseback riding. Now I'm in a lousy mood and not really up for another problem, but I've told her we'd go so I feel obligated. We find boots, no problem, but the helmet is tricky. I don't know a thing about horseback riding and we want her to be safe so we have to ask for help. In steps my new favorite person. The most patient, kind, helpful person on the planet at that moment. Now helping RJC put on anything new can be a challenge, but helping her put on something that needs to be a bit snug - now that's a real challenge. One that this person is up to with good humor. RJC would start to sort of wander away or wiggle around and she would wait her out a minute then get back to doing her thing. In a fairly short time, we had a helmet that was both comfortable and safe. Amazing. Restored my faith in humankind. True story.
I know that after twenty years of parenting RJC I should be used to the ignorance that comes our way. I should be patient. I should be understanding. The truth is that I have become less patient and understanding. It ticks me off and I'm not an easily "ticked off" kind of woman. This sort of ugly behavior makes me want to scream. Do I expect accomodations that are expensive? Complicated? Would put other people out? Nope. I completely understand that there are just some things she will simply need to deal with. But really. A cup of ice? A plastic cup. With ice in it. Maybe that was why this bugged me so much. The idea that this was such a simple act that would have made her life easier but he could not bring himself to do this one simple act to make her happy. A cup of ice.
I'll call the store on Monday in hopes of speaking to the owner. What do I want? An acknowledgement that this employee was insensitive. A statement of empathy. Reassurance that the employees of this business will be educated as to how to be sensitive to an individual's special needs. That's what I want. What will I get? Stay tuned...
