Like a Deer in Headlights

This is not good at all.  In fact, it's bad mommy behavior.  Yet I can't seem to get moving - it's like I'm a deer in headlights.  This is not my normal modus operandi.  When it come to RJC I am very good about facing things head on, fighting (what I call) the "good fight."  So why oh why is this so difficult?

I have received...let's say...more than one email from RJC's school transition person about scheduling site visits of day programs.  Her Case Worker has also asked me to call and schedule a PPT meeting (Planning and Placement Team) so we can discuss options for next year.  A friend has sent me contact information for somebody that I can use as a resource.  Have I done any of this?  That'd be a big ol' no.  I think about it.  I have good intentions.  And I panic. 

Now I am well aware that this is not useful behavior.  June 2013 is going to come whether I like it or not, and the adult system is looming just eight short months away.  The calendar stops for nobody.

I've spoken to parents who have children in the adult system and I am sorry to say that not one single one of them has said, "Oh no worries!  There is the greatest program my son/daughter is attending.  Let me give you the number!"  Nope.  I heard things like, "Well, we're trying a new program.  The first one (or two, or three) didn't really work out."  I've heard "There isn't always work to keep him/her busy."  I've heard "It's a short day.  The program is from 9-3."  I was also told that education is not part of the adult system.  Well, sure, I can ask a day program to provide an element of education if I really want to, but there are no actual licensed teachers in an adult day program and if RJC refuses to do the work then there's no obligation to find a way to motivate her to do it.  After all, she's an "adult."  Really?  Anyone else find some...oh, I don't know...irony here?

I am not feeling warm and fuzzy about this transition. 

After 17 years in the school system (she started at age 3) she is finally in a place that works for her.  For the last six years I've sent her off every morning and I do not worry about her safety or her happiness.  She spends the day with people I trust.  I know they care about her.  I know they understand how to teach her while allowing her to be who she is.  I also know that I am informed of what is going on every day - both the good stuff and the not so good stuff - and I am not concerned that they are hiding anything.  She comes home happy and tired because she has been stimulated and busy all day.  She gets exercise and she enjoys being around everyone in her school.  She has friends - not in the traditional sense of the word perhaps - but she is comfortable with her peers in her classroom.  That's a big thing in the autism world.

And for some reason this all ends at the chronological age of 21.  Never mind that developmentally she is not even close.  Let's think about this...her favorite show is still "Barney" and her choice of books when we are at the bookstore are fairy tales.  Mostly for the pictures.

Sigh.  I will be making the call to the school district tomorrow to have this meeting set up, then the search for the day program will begin in earnest.  Watch out though.  I'm digging into storage and putting on my fighter's gloves. It's been a great six years and I haven't needed to enter the ring in a long, long time.  I'm getting in the mindset, I'm hearing my theme song in my head (see my entry from 8/31/12) and I will no longer be that deer in the headlights.  It's me against...whoever gets in my way.