Not much is written about the positive side of autism. I know that I tend to be such a worrier that I sometimes do not look past my concerns enough in order to enjoy my gal for who she is as a person. It's not that I am not completely head over heels in love with my older child, just as I am with my younger one. It's that getting through the day to day stuff sometimes gets in the way of sitting back and objectively appreciating the little moments. I got to do that yesterday.
Yesterday it was pretty much RJC and I for a good chunk of the day. We spent time in the car traveling to and from the Aquarium, went to her favorite restaurant, and stopped at a cute beach for a short time to hang out near the water before heading home. It occurred to me that while this autism world can be all sorts of things complicated, I am a very lucky mom when I focus on the positives.
When we were visiting the Aquarium, I saw preteens and teens moping around, playing on their phones, obviously not interested in spending time with their parents - or at least not interested in looking like they were enjoying spending time with their parents. My girl however, had no such qualms. She would hold my hand and excitedly point out things of interest. "Look, there's a fish! And another fish! And more fish! And a penguin!" She was thrilled to be there and made no bones about it. People around us were alternately amused and perplexed but she paid no mind. She would go from one exhibit to the next, pointing out how cool everything was...loudly and with gusto. We went to the 4-D movie (honestly, that's what it's called) and she was completely involved, yelling at the screen and squealing when she got wet from a mist of water. Everyone in the theater knew she was there and knew how she was feeling about the movie. Every bit of her was involved in the experience. I honestly laughed out loud and felt no need to stop her from expressing herself. She was not bothering anyone and was completely immersed in her own happiness.
Next stop, one of her very favorite restaurants where they know her and remember her, even though we are only there 5-6 times a year. Employees make it a point to let her order on her own and repeat back so I can clarify. Those who are not assigned to our table will stop by just to say hi. She touches people in a way that I do not. Nobody remembers my name, but they all remember hers. She is the "Norm!" of that restaurant and it warms my heart.
We then stopped off at this little beach where she watched a guy bring in his canoe. He was having some difficulty balancing it and she laughed right at him. He smiled back a bit sheepishly when he finally landed on dry land and did not seem the least bit offended. She threw a few rocks in the water. The bigger splash, the better. It was not an expensive outing, just a stop along the way to appreciate the fact that warmer weather was here and enjoy the relaxing sounds of the water. She didn't mind making the stop. We didn't have any deep, long conversations but just enjoyed each other's presence. She was calm and though she did not want to stay long (she was quite tired out by then) she was happy enough to make the stop.
The ride home was great as she watched her DVDs and sang along. I knew exactly what scenes she was watching - over and over - and could hear her laughing at some of them and reacting to what was happening. "Oh no, he fell down!" she would shriek as she laughed and laughed, watching it again and again.
I realized, somewhere along the line that day, that most parents do not have their young adult child reach out for their hand or overtly express childlike joy. For sure, they enjoy their adult children in other ways that I will never experience with my older gal (I certainly look forward to the conversations and time spent with my younger (also) over 18 child). The difference is that RJC, while chronologically is an adult, is developmentally not anywhere near adulthood. Therefore she has no filters in terms of her emotions. While this is not a positive when dealing with the negative emotions, when I hit a day like yesterday, it's just awesome. It's a reminder of how to look at the world. A reminder to express joy and happiness over small things. A reminder to let loose, let everyone know how cool things are so they take another look. A reminder that you are part of a community and people enjoy your presence just because you are you.
Yep. There is a positive side. And we all have something to learn from my girl.
